All over in my life i never felt that i had less money.Whatever i wanted to i did; i bought whatever i wanted to buy.i have a big playground nearby my home. I used to play like a jungle elephant. Nobody in this world was worried about me. I remember a day i came late from school at around 7PM. My mother worried and my elder cousins started searching and combing operation for me. I was playing all along with some of my friends in that big playground. When i came house everybodie's face was grim. I realized something was wrong. I hid hehind the tables! But nobody scolded me !!
In my childhood i used to read plenty of books. I was purchasing most of the kannada weekly magazines, monthly magazines. I bought several literature books, novels, yearly special publications. I used to enjoy reading of all these books. I was getting money to buy all these books. Nobody complained me that i was wasting money. Nobody scolded me that i was spoiling my study.
Later when i joined college i had several things to do.I had a gang of friends. We used to arrange trekking and some tours. Some people come and most of the people miss the trip. Money was constraint for several memebrs. But we never cancelled or ostphoned the journeys.We used to arrange the expenditures to suit everybodie's pocket size. We adjusted ourselves to the available money.
Hotel ganesh parasad in puttur was our pemanent place on weekend to enjoy north indian dishes. Our policy was simple: whatever you eat pay for it! Most of the saturday lunches were dedicated to that hotel!!
Meanwhile i developed interest in photography. I attended photography classes conducted by mr.Ishwaraiya (if you can remember "sarasa" in "tushara" and "taranga") under "IMAGE" amateur photography club. When i put i proposal for new camera, the next day i had money in my hand. After 15 days i got my dream camera costing Rs.10000/- nealy 8 years back. Still that Olympus OM2000 SLR camera is running like a old horse.. I took hundreds of waste photos with that camera. But nobody shouted at me that why i am hanging around that camera to waste money?
Later i joined post graduation course. All hobbies continued along with core technical study. I wasted hundreds of photos, i went to several more places. i made new friends. Spent money everything within my limitations. I never felt money was hurdle for any of my activities.
I joined once again for higher education after 3 years of stint in 2 companies. Bank helped me in getting a specialized degree in specialized subjest. Again nobody asked why i am spending money for higher education.
The house i stay in native place is nearly 50 years old. But it is big enough for us. It is really cool even in the hottest summer. Many families have stayed there and have gone. Finally we are staying there. I have played, laughed, ate, had good sleep in that house. I won't say i have a great emotional bond with that house.But i never felt that house is old.
But now i am in a junction of life wherein people ask several question. I am in search of answers to querries.
People ask me why i haven't built a new house? Why haven't i repaired the house with tiled floors? Why??? I know that i can earn the money to make new house after some years. I even know that house can run for another 10 yeras with minor modifications. It has sustained several years of rain and storm. It can stay strong. but people ask me why haven't made the house new? Why havn't you built new house?Why????Why??????
I have lakks in my account. But it won't be sufficient to build a new house. All of sudden i am feeling poor!!!
When i joined job i started earning. I thought i can have some improvements now. I bought a desktop computer system with all requirements to make it a personal computer. I started writting articles for my blogs. Installed sevel softwares to play around it day and night. Enjoyed all kind of music and entertainement. The same system is still working fine. I have upgraded whole system to 180GB had disk as well. Life is beautiful for me. But people ask me now why i still didn't buy laptop??? Why i didn't buy persnal nusic player "IPOD"??? Why?????
I want to travel all around india. I want to reach heights of all western ghat hills and himalayan valleys. But i feel the money i spend on those can fulfill my one or two months expenses. Hence i cancel the trips. People keep asking where have been recently? I keep mum. I feel poor.
Once i joined job after my specialized mastres degree i was happy. A dream achieved. Sometime later i thought i can afford more. I bought a CTV for some more live entertainment. I enjoyed several hollywood films in HBO, star movies, live cricket matches along with my cousin brothers. Later i thought i can save vegetables and food items for some more times. I genuilnly thought i should not waste food. There are hundreds of people who are hungry in the world. So i bought freezer. I enjoy chilled water, iced fruit juices, ice creams. But people now ask me why i didn't buy LCD TV? People ask me why i didn't buy a larger freezer? People ask me why i didn't buy microwave owen?
I used to walk miles to reach school and travel in buses to reach college. Never felt tired for those journeys. Even today i walk. I know walking is good for health. But people ask why you didn't buy a car yet? I learned driving long back in college days itself dreaming to have a own car. Age old wisdom has taught me that "don't spread your legs beyond bed". But people ask me why i haven't bought it yet? I am feeling poor.
People now ask me why you don't have road to your door steps? People ask me how many times have you travelled overseas? People ask me how many lakhs of salary you have? People ask me how much money you have (rather "he has") in his bank account? People ask me how many branches your company has?
People never ask do you drink? People never ask do you smoke? People never ask about broken relationships?People never ask how did you achieve such good educational level and knowledge?People never ask what are your dreams? People never ask how you keep happy yourself? People never ask how you have good relationship? People never ask how you to make your loved ones happy? People never ask how much you are responsible for your life? People never ask how much you are good or bad?????
It is not that i can't buy a car and can't built a house. Do i really need it???
I need to do a lot to show people that i am a satisfied young settled person.
I must buy a digital camera even if can't give good quality SLR photos. I must buy a microwave owen even if it doesn't give naturally cooked food! I must build a house even i may not stay there! I must buy a car even if you know walking is good for health! and many more.........
I always believe good education and character can always yield good wealth. My earnings and savings will yield lakhs in near future. I know i will go around the world. I know i will buy a car. I know i will build a new house. I know all roads will lead to my home. I know what are my dreams. I know what i will achieve in my life. I know what i am!!
But at present i feel i am poor!